Years of sexual molestation, added to the aftermath of abortion, added to three failed marriages, left Paulette overwhelmed with failure and overcome with grief. She became an expert at masquerading the internal torment eating away her desire to live. She wore her smiley face well, resulting in disbelief when family and friends learned she was hospitalized for severe depression punctuated with a death wish. Festering wounds, unseen by the people who thought they knew her well, were not hidden from her Heavenly Father, whom she was begging to bring her death wish. Damaged self-esteem and self-loathing magnified her need for "true love." Her masquerade crashed as her heart broke - a necessity leading to the road of grace. The only way to explain it, Paulette says, is "I have fallen in love with God." She adds, "I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine" (Song of Solomon 6:3) .
