The After: A Memoir

February 28th 2017 was a normal day. I got up, I went to work, I breezed through my day like I had for years. Until 11:42 PM when a bullet exploded in my living room and took everything I loved with it.. I had joined the worst club imaginable: the Suicide Survivors. Which was a unique position for me, given that a lifetime of suicidal ideation made me certain that the only view I would have of suicide would be dying by it. In the months after his death, I stared into the same abyss and tried to figure out to keep myself alive. This story is about everything I went through to keep breathing when deep inside was a person that didn't want to survive what had happened to her life.This kind of loss is different. We rarely discuss it. It's a grief that is only acceptable sometimes and remains an untouchable taboo to most of society. But it is an epidemic killing thousands every year and if we don't speak up, it will never change.. Let me tell you my story.